When you start dating someone new, it’s tempting to be available at their every beck and call. You daydream about them constantly and drop everything the second they text to make plans.
Being too eager and available this early on can actually damage your budding relationship, though. It makes you appear desperate, needy, and like you have nothing else going on in your life.
While, of course, you’re excited about someone new, you don’t want to come on too strong. Playing it slightly unavailable challenges them just enough to keep things interesting.
Here, I’ll teach you how to strike the ideal balance of availability using simple techniques.
You’ll learn why it’s key to stick to your existing schedule, focus on other areas of your life, and not see each other every single day.
We’ll cover tips for practicing thoughtful texting etiquette, maintaining your hobbies, and occasionally saying no to plans. Prioritizing other relationships is also crucial so you don’t become dependent on your new partner for all social interaction.
Implementing these strategies prevents you from dropping everything for your new flame. You’ll cultivate an intriguing sense of independence that ultimately strengthens the relationship long-term. A healthy, grounded partnership fits seamlessly into your full, vibrant life.
So read on to learn the essential habits for not appearing overly eager or available when you meet someone new.
With the right balance, you come across as having self-respect, discipline, and a life outside of just this person. Avoid scaring them away by being at their beck and call 24/7.
1. Be Honest About Your Schedule
When you first start dating someone, don’t pretend to have wide-open availability if you don’t. It’s totally fine
to say “I’d love to get together Wednesday night, but I have plans Tuesday and Thursday.” Being upfront about your schedule shows that you have a full, enriching life outside of this new person.
You don’t have to detail every appointment and commitment – a simple “I’ve already got plans that night” works.
This shows self-respect and that your time is valuable. It also makes the time you do spend together more meaningful.
Don’t let a new flame make you blow off long-standing commitments and plans. Maintain your regular social life, hobbies and obligations.
2. Don’t Cancel Established Plans
We’ve all done it – dropped everything the second a new crush calls. You suddenly remember you have a “headache” so you can bail on friends to spend time with your new love interest. Don’t do this!
Canceling on friends shows you’re too eager to spend every free moment with someone you barely know. It’s unhealthy and irritating to your friends.
Stick to your pre-existing plans to show you’re not willing to toss everything aside for a new relationship.
If your new partner spontaneously invites you out the same night as you’re supposed to see friends, say “I wish I could, but I already have plans tonight. I’d love to get together tomorrow or Friday though!”
This displays maturity and respect for your loved ones.
3. Leave Time Open In Your Calendar
While you shouldn’t pretend to have unlimited free time, do leave your calendar open some nights rather than overpacking it.
If you schedule activities every evening, you’ll constantly be turning down your new partner’s invitations to get together.
Leaving your calendar reasonably open avoids making it seem like you’re never available to hang out.
Aim to have 2-3 nights free during the week when you first start dating someone. This leaves room for spontaneous date invites without appearing totally wide open.
Saying “I’m free Thursday and Saturday this week – let me know if you want to get together!” shows you’re interested without dropping everything for them.
4. Focus On Other Areas Of Your Life
When a new relationship starts, it’s easy to become obsessed with spending all your time together. Avoid neglecting other important areas of your life like friends, family, career, hobbies and self-care.
Spend time nurturing these parts of your world too so you don’t become dependent on your new partner for all fulfillment and social interaction.
Make your new love interest fit into your established schedule rather than bending your whole life around them.
Say you always have dinner with your family on Wednesdays – don’t stop that.
Keep up your usual gym routine, night classes or involvement with community organizations too. Prioritize quality time with close friends and indulge in solo hobbies as well.
5. Don’t Text Back Right Away
These days we’re used to instant responses via text, but resist the urge to reply immediately to a new partner’s messages.
When you text back within seconds, you appear overly eager and available. Instead, wait a bit before responding unless you’re having an active back-and-forth exchange.
Let their texts sit unanswered for a couple hours, or even until the next day sometimes.
The waiting period doesn’t need to be really prolonged when you first start dating – even waiting 3-5 hours to respond is enough.
This makes it seem like you have other priorities in life besides sitting around waiting for their texts. Along with being less available in person, practicing good texting etiquette stops you from appearing too eager.
6. Occasionally Say No To Plans
Be cautious of agreeing to every single plan and invite from a new partner. While you want to spend time together, saying yes all the time comes across as needy and desperate.
Occasionally turn down their propositions even if you don’t have other plans. Say something like “I’d really love to, but I need a quiet night in tonight.”
This establishes healthy boundaries and that you won’t drop everything to be together 24/7.
When you do say no, always propose an alternative plan, like getting together the following night or over the weekend. This ensures them you do want to see them, just not tonight.
7. Prioritize Other Relationships
In the early stages, avoid constantly bringing a new partner along to hang out with your friend group.
Similarly, don’t ignore close friends just because you’re spending more time with your new love interest.
Make one-on-one time for your close friends so they know this new relationship hasn’t made you forget about them.
Interacting with your own social circle also prevents dependency on a new partner. Maintain your standing weekly brunch date with college friends, keep up with your sister through regular phone calls, etc. Prioritizing other meaningful relationships demonstrates you have a full, balanced life.
8. Keep Up Your Own Hobbies
Along with nurturing other relationships, be sure to maintain your own hobbies and activities.
For example, if Thursday nights are your sacred “pottery class night,” don’t give that up.
Keep up the pastimes and social groups that brought you joy pre-relationship so you don’t become dependent on a new partner for all fun and fulfillment.
Pursuing your own independent interests also gives you something fresh to talk about rather than just obsessing over the relationship.
Have something to share when your partner asks “What did you do this weekend?” besides just seeing them. Keep cultivating a rich life outside the relationship.
9. Don’t See Each Other Every Day
When you first start hitting it off with someone, it’s tempting to spend every possible moment together. Try to resist this urge!
Having dinner or seeing a movie 1-2 times a week is plenty in the early stages. Whoever said “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was right – limited time together ultimately strengthens the bond.
Spending every single night together prematurely accelerates the relationship and prevents you from maintaining your own independent life.
Keep a balance by reserving some weekends for your own plans or seeing friends solo. This keeps the relationship grounded in the real world versus becoming an intense bubble where you shut everything else out.
Go At A Reasonable Pace
Overall, focus on keeping the pace respectable when you begin a new relationship. While it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement and want to spend all your time together, take it slow.
Limit sleepovers, text back thoughtfully rather than instantly, and make regular plans with friends and family too. Cultivating your own interests prevents you from appearing too obsessed or available.
By not dropping everything to be with this person, you appear more intriguing and multifaceted. Prioritize other parts of your world so they don’t think your whole life now revolves around them.
Maintain your independence and autonomy to strengthen the relationship long-term. This thoughtful balance results in a healthy partnership that fits seamlessly into your full, enriching life.
